Spankings, Don't Spank

Spanking, Don’t Spank.  Talk.

By:  Natonya Walton

Recently, I read an article that extended my knowledge of the process of discipline. As the topic grew interest over a few days, I asked my little ones what they thought about discipline and spankings.  Kensington (7) said, “Mommy, parents should always give their children a chance to do things the way that they want to see them done.  But if the kids don’t do it, then the parents should give them a spanking.  Lexington (9) said, “I don’t think that kids should ever get spankings.”  I asked, “What about if they refused to listen to their parents?”  Lexington said, “Then the parent should ask their children why they did not listen and help them figure out another way to get things done so they know why their kids aren’t listening.  Then, they would just need to help their kid a little bit, like you do sometimes.  Ansleigh (10) said, “If a child doesn’t listen after the parent tells them, then they need to talk with the kid and figure out why but if the talk doesn’t help, then the kid needs to receive a spanking.  In this article, I intend to share my personal story of receiving and extending spankings, the technical definition of the word discipline, recent studies related to spankings, and options that families could find helpful in using various forms of discipline. 

  

As a young child, I knew the things to do in order for my mother to be happy with me, but it felt like it took me such a long time to understand the things that she didn’t like,  Everything was trial and error.  Not knowing when to speak, not knowing how to say or not to say certain things, not knowing many things.  Both of my parents were very straightforward and extremely demanding.  In fact, their voices alone could cause me to nearly jump from my skin, straighten up, and fly right!  I believe that my only defiance against spankings was, not always having a clear understanding of why I was receiving each spanking. I do recall, however, my parents telling me that they ‘spanked me because they loved me.’  When my children were born, and an age that I deemed old enough to receive spankings (around the age 5 or 6).  I made sure that I spoke with them prior to a little pop on their bottom, and afterward.  Of course, there were tears…and not just tears from the children, but sometimes tears from me as well.  For me, spankings just did not work as a primary form of discipline.  We prefer talking things out, even if our voices were raised.  

The definition of discipline is, ‘to teach.’  I ran across an article that really expanded my definition of discipline.  According to Mitch Kruse, race car drivers are the most disciplined athletes in all sports. In fact, the track of discipline has four turns, and they are: ‘teaching(I do, you watch), training(I do, you help), testing(you do, I help), and transforming(you do, I watch).’  Kruse states, “Each turn must be traveled or discipline does not make a full lap of conflict management.”  This insight has given me a greater definition of discipline.   

Parents have the greatest decisions to make when it comes to disciplining their children.  Spanking children is still a very controversial topic.  For more than 20 years, many child and human rights activists have campaigned and lobbied against corporal punishment.  On the other hand, many communities have religious groups, old school parents/grandparents, and even some educators that support corporal punishment.  The only real option is, respect your children enough to speak with them when things don’t go so well.  There are so many wonderful things that can happen when you communicate.  If you believe that your child should receive spankings, I urge you to follow the steps listed above and make an informed decisions regarding disciplining children.